When they requested Kitty's files the surgeon on duty just happened to be, Mr Bowen, a consultant who had seen Kitty when she was 15months old for a completely unrelated issue. We found that strangely comforting and yet again felt looked after. Moving to PICU we began a rollercoaster of emotions.We learnt fast to spot the signs of a new bleed. Rapid drop in blood pressure soaring heartrate.They call it third space bleeding because the bowel holds onto the blood until it is full.The body doesn't realise how much it's actually lost until the bowel releases it all in one go.In Kitty's case this soon developed to about 500mls an hour.It was a constant cycle of 30min blood transfusion plus fluids then bleed. All the time she was conscious she was aware of all that was happening. All the time she was brave. She was calm. She asked questions. Her nurses Stacey and Laura cared for her with such dignity and love.They explained everything to her and she felt safe.She had a radial arterial line fitted in her wrist to monitor her blood pressure constantly. I couldn't watch it seemed barbaric. She laughed as her blood splattered the doctor.She was so brave. She really needed a CT scan to find the source of the bleed but yet again she wasn't stable enough to leave ICU for the half hour or so needed.
All this time we wondered what to do.Should we call all the family and have them come see her just incase? Would it be best for them to remember her as she was?We had little time for dialogue about it as she needed us there, she needed us to say it was all okay,we didn't want to leave her bedside. Then the nurses told us we needed to rest to be able to help her to prepare for things to get tougher.They found us a room and Paddy went for a few hours sleep. When he got back I went for a sleep too. Whilst I was gone things went downhill. Kitty's BP dropped to 29/21 and her heartrate was in the high 170's.The decision was made that she needed and emergency laporotomy. Mr Bowen was called back in.It should have been the first day of his holiday but he came. I got the call at 2am tues morning to come back to the ward as they needed to speak to us. It was then a whirlwind of surgeons telling us possible complications. That she may have to have a stoma, she would have a central line fitted, she would be ventilated and sedated, she may not come back from surgery she may bleed to death.I couldn't sign the form ,they didn't even ask me,her dad did.
The anaesthetists came to talk us through what would happen. Kitty chatted with Symon, he told her her birthday was his wedding anniversary, she asked him if she could go back to school the next day. He said probably not but that he would try and get her back in for the thurs. She had been nil by mouth for over 24hrs now and desperately wanted a drink. Before she went to theatre all she kept asking for was an icepop and to see her sisters.
I was expecting taking her down to theatre to be one of the worst things I had ever had to do but she had such a sense of calm about her it was easy to be brave. She totally trusted those caring for her.We said our goodnight ritual and kissed her cheeks. She was off the ward about 6 hours. I can't remember what we did. I know I held her teddy close to my face the whole time. I think I hugged my husband tight. He found me a bible and I found comfort. We may have slept. When she came back she was sedated,she was ventilated,she had no stoma and they had found nothing there were no answers but she was still with us.